I took your guilt and placed it into me

lostandalone42 @ 2006-01-26T11:07:00

2006-01-26T16:08:17Z

10.1.04

lostandalone42 @ 2004-11-01T06:51:00

2004-11-01T11:51:28Z

I'm thinkin this couls be really painful

lostandalone42 @ 2004-10-01T21:48:00

2004-10-02T01:53:01Z

Tonite was so great... I had the greatest time...

*$*$

But I don't understand why she won't just let him be...

*$*$*$

I think I need to quit trying to get people to be happy... It just brings me down... Cause I always fail...

fuck this

2004-10-01T00:03:43Z

Were not together... You're right... I hope you're satisfied with that... Seeing as how I can tell you "love" me soo much... You're nothing but full of shit... Have a nice life... Leave me the fuck out of it...

Fake...

2004-09-29T21:26:31Z

Lies... pitiful lies...

Exposed from inside your pathetic eyes...

Your hypocrisy leaves me perplexed and dismayed...

Engenders more agony then this antiquated razor blade...

You do not grasp the way I ache...

You dismiss to accept...

the fact that you've become so fake...

Every piece of you is nothing more then a prevarication...

But every person you deceive brings nothing less...

Then more motivation...

To deplete what is left of every heart you afflict...

To induce more chaos until we're all too numb to distinguish it...

Yeah... I got bored... So I started writting... It's not finished yet... I need more... Any suggestions?

Yo motha

2004-09-27T23:42:25Z

I like your mom... It's not a fad... I wanna marry her... And be your dad... :)

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-27T12:21:00

2004-09-27T16:21:40Z

Loving you is like suicide

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-09-19T23:10:00Z

My sister Rochelle had her baby... It was born at 8:55... September 18... Nickohlas Pochily (Not sure if that is spelled correctly)... He's 8 Pounds and 1 ounce... Congradulations Rochelle... Sorry I couldn't be there and see you and your family... Congrats though... I love you... Give Little Nick my love... <3<3<3<3<3

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-17T21:00:00

2004-09-18T01:09:48Z

Am I single? Or am I dating someone... Cause that's what it fucking feels like... I can't even hangout with people... or like someone... Without someone up my ass 24-7

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-17T17:01:00

2004-09-17T21:02:16Z

Her Mom's drowin down the beers
To wash away the pain
and she can't see it
But her daughter's goin insane

Fighting all night
Until no end...
She doesnt care
Im the only thing shes got
Im her only friend

I know how she feels
I see how she hurts
Something could be better
but nothing could be worse

You can't walk away right now
She's tryin to make it better
She's turnin around
But those things you say
They break her heart
She's tryin to make it better
But you're tearin her apart

Don't you feel cold inside
Doesn't it hurt
when you see your daughter cry

You don't need to be her counsler
You don't need to be her friend
The only thing she really needs
Is her mom in the end

Stop the screaming
Stop the fighting
You gotta work this out
Stop the drinking
Stop the lying
You gotta work this out

I wont watch her fall apart
I wont watch her fall to peices
Open your eyes
You gotta beleive this

I see her cry
when you're not watching
I hear her voice
when you're not listening

Close your mouth
Open your ears
You gotta make it up now
For all those years

She's slipping away
But you can't tell
You were never there to catch her
Everytime she fell

Am I the only one
thats sees whats goin on?
Am I the only one?
Cause what you're doin is wrong

You can't walk away right now
She's tryin to make it better
She's turnin around
But those things you say
They break her heart
She's tryin to make it better
But you're tearin her apart

But go leave if you want to
One day when you need her
She wont want you

How does it feel
look what you did
You scard her for life
when she was just a little kid

The Man you have
He's no good
You need to leave him now
You know you should

And I quote
those things he said
I remember it all
Like a book I've read

"I don't like you"
"I don't love you"
"Go away"
Im sure if he wasnt so drunk
he couldve thought of more to say

But blame it on her
like she's the cause
When she's gone
It'll be your loss

But I sware
Please dont walk away right now
She's tryin to make it better
She's turnin around
But those things you say
They break her heart
She's tryin to make it better
But you're tearin her apart
---
It's not really finished... It still needs alot of work...It's not all that good... But I wrote this when Sara and her parents got into it... I like it though... Because it says everything that's true

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-17T14:46:00

2004-09-17T19:05:55Z

Well... Last night was shitty... But today was better... Only I have this feeling that something else is about to go down... =/

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-16T15:17:00

2004-09-16T19:25:06Z

Today was a good day... Sara knows why... :~) ... Good shit... Nice pants... Wooo... Good times... Good times...
---
I got my progress report... I was sort of dissapointed... I realy wanted strait A's... But seeing as how I missed so many days with the whole being kicked out thing... That was kind of hard to manage... But... I did get an A in my hardest class... and 5 B's... So I know once report cards come out... I should be doing really well... But this is the best I have done all four years of highschool...
---

I <3 Bessie :~)

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-15T15:24:00

2004-09-15T19:24:16Z

Highlight of my day... Picture with Mr. Dougan... <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-15T00:46:00

2004-09-15T04:47:25Z

Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like,
because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

Ouch...

2004-09-15T02:03:53Z

Butt naked falling shower...

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-12T13:59:00

2004-09-12T18:06:53Z

Thats a bit of my family... Still missin My brother... and my sister Cathy that everyone has probely met by now... lol

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Here's a little bit of a few of my friends....

*~*~*~*~*~ Gotta love em*~*~*~*~*

And this one... I made for Liana a while ago... But I had to post it in my LJ too... Cause it was just... too great... lol... Except I wrote baby gurl... And thats Lianas nick name for him... Not mine... lol... <3

Muahahaha... I need pictures of everyone... Send em over :) <3<3

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-11T14:40:00

2004-09-11T19:00:42Z

Why do you hate me?

:*(

2004-09-11T16:42:37Z

9-11
---
*Remembers*
---
Tribute to everyone who was lost in that horrible mess...
---
I was so caught up in my own problems... That I didnt even notice that today is 9-11...
---
Thank you to all the heroes...
---
and god bless all those who were lost...
---
Nothing great enough could be said to thank the people who were lost on that terrible day...
---
Too all the people who lost a loved one... My heart goes out to you
---
I am greatful to have people in this country that are willing to give up there lives to save another...

You're so wrong...

2004-09-11T15:36:31Z

Walking through the grass
Another blade next to you from the ground

As the wind does pass
I notice as you feel the breath of my shout

Your words are kind
The kind that repeatedly say no

What have you said, reach out your hand
There's a black shadow on my wall
But as I look into my mind
I CAN SEE THAT GIRLS ARE A WASTE OF TIME!!

We've all seen the bridge
A broken seam and a girl on one side
You think your words will work
They only work when you lay down and close your eyes

I thought of all the lines
All the right ones used at all the wrong times
But that's alright
Depression's just a sarcastic state of mind

What have you said, reach out your hand
There's a black shadow on my wall
But as I look into my mind
I CAN SEE THAT GIRLS ARE A WASTE OF TIME!!

I don't want to live alone
I don't want to live in
My broken dreams of you

I don't want to live along with
My broken dreams of you
I don't want to live along with
My broken dreams of you

I CAN SEE THAT GIRLS ARE A WASTE OF TIME!!

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-10T10:17:00

2004-09-10T14:52:18Z

Were coming back soon... I think... Saras Mom said it was a mistake kicking us out like that... That she really had no reason... But... I am not to fond of her parents anymore... I mean... I am greatful that they let me stay with them in the first place.. But I still dont understand why she would kick me out on the street like that... Meh.. I guess we'll go back soon and figure this all out... It really is no big deal... None of this really is... I should've called my sister to begin with and none of this would be going on.... But Sara and I had different plans for all of this... Gah.... See you guys soon... <3<3<3<3

----

Amandah... Jon... I am really about fed up with you guys and your fighting... What the hell is the deal? I love you both... You know that... You are two of the reasons why I would never leave... But I really don't want to deal with the bullshit fighting anymore... You guys are just going to have to learn to love each other... Or learn to live without me... I have enough on my plate already... Your guys petty bullshit fights are really my last priority... And I don't want to hear it... Just think about what you are fighting over... Is it really worth it?

Ok Amandah... Jon lied to your face... Yeah... Because I made him promise... Its not lik he knew where we were... or what we were doing... Or who we were with... I wrote him because I saw how upset he was... and I heard how bad he was feeling... It was mainly me just being a friend and letting him know everything would be ok... Not really that big of a deal... And yeah... Again... He lied to your face... But get over it... You lie to my face... You've lied to my face more then once... And I forgave you... I forgave you everY single time... and it was over more serious stuff then this bullshit... Forgive and Forget... You have to learn to get along sooner or later...

Jon... You know how I feel about you and Amandah... and you know that I love you both... and that I hate it when you guys fight... So spare me the bullshit and get over it... Its a stupid reason to be fighting to begin with...

Im not dealing with you guys if this is how it is going to always be.. I'm about ready to say fuck it with the both of you... You guys know Im going through a tough time... Throw me a fucking bone man.. I dont want to deal with this too... So... What ever happens next... Is up to you guys... Hope it turns out right...

Sorry if that sounds harsh... But this is just how I feel right now... Fed up with this... You know I love you both... But this has got to end...

---

I am expecting to hear from my mom soon... Hopefully not though... Because I really don't want to hear her bullshit either... None of this shit would be going on if she didnt fucking kick me out in the fisrt place.. So if she does bother me... The only words she will hear from mY mouth is FUCK OFF

---

RIDE TOGETHER DIE TOGETHER

************************

Sam ~N~ Sara

Sisters 4life

DICK

2004-09-06T08:31:15Z

If you're going to talk shit about me... Make sure I'm not going to find out...

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-06T04:17:00

2004-09-06T08:18:56Z

I'm so sorry... Because I know this is tearing you apart...

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-04T20:30:00

2004-09-05T00:41:49Z

I'm so bored... Ready for this storm... Come and get us!!! lol... I hate storms... I am actually somewhat terrified... =/... I guess florida isn't the greatest place for me to live then... Bleh... My Mother is causing alot of shit... I don't even understand it all... I'm not even doing anything wrong... I go to school... Get good grades... Manage to stay on top of everything... Why am I still being harrassed? You're the one who did this Mom... You kicked me out... Even when I tried to come back... You didn't want me... You were too wrapped up in that "love" of yours... I've made it this far Mom... I can do it the rest of the way... Just please quit making this harder on me... I'm doing the best that you taught me... Everything I learned in life... I learned from you... So let this go... You let go of me... Now it's too late.. Just walk away... Maybe one day we will get past this all... But until then... I would just like to know that I can do this on my own... I won't be nieve enough to come crawling back to the one who left me cold and stranded... Take this as a guilt trip... Take this however you may... I don't care anymore... Every word you speak tears the relationship we never had even further apart... So stop while you're ahead... I don't need this anymore... I know I wasn't wrong... You didn't want me bad enough to let him go... Instead you let me... So goodbye Mom... Just stop it all now... I'm not willing to play your childish control games anymore... You are my Mother... You brought me into this world.. Yes... But I can take it from here... You didn't care about the mistakes I made before... So why care now? Let me live my life... Time is waisting away... Life is too short to fight and bicker about things like this... Just let it go Mom... Let it go... All you do is push me further away... I love you... But I can't do this anymore... You break me with every unpretentious word you speak...

lostandalone42 @ 2004-09-04T16:23:00

2004-09-04T20:27:19Z

Cease every unpretentious worrie...
Then I suppose I'll be ok...
But every thought I have...
Brings confusion here to stay...
Its like eitehr way I turn...
I'll incessantly have a doubt...
and every choice I make...
Will leave me stuck Strung out...
If I cant let you down...
Then I'll never let you go...
But the genuine feelings within me...
I sware you'll never know...
I wont break a heart tonight...
I wont shatter all yuour dreams...
But Im just letting you know...
Nothing is what it seems...
----
Always acted like you cared...
But when you left I saw the truth...
coruppted my innocence...
Broke my youth...

Shatterd my dreams...
Of what I could be...
Made me less of a person...
Made me less of me...

My innocence...
lost...
no longer alive...
My regret is the one thing...
That will ever survive...

Walk away...
Forever and for good...
You knew what you were doing...
Its just to bad...
I didnt know you would...
----
Vagueness
Plagues my head...
Uncertainty
To solutions
That cant be read

Sever my soul
With the words you preach
Never really considering
love is too far from our reach...

it is but merely an image...
a state of mind...
Something for one to search for
but never really find...

I am not...
but a human worthless and used
I am not...
but a girl alone and abused...

I am not...
What you seek to have
I am not...
But only someone to finish last...

I wish not..
to cause you pain
I want not...
For this to replay the same...

So here it must end...
I need not... But to walk away...
Only..
what I fear now...
Is that you will stay....
----
Thats a little bit of my writting... Not the best... But its all I can really find at the moment...

Stevie... Where are you... =(

2004-09-03T04:27:12Z

I'm really worried about Stevie... I hope he has a place to stay when the hurricane hits... I'm hoping that he comes back here... Or goes home... Or something... Anything... I'm so worried about him... =/